A list of the Christmas puns. I advise learning these hilarious sayings well, you never know when you might need them! Here is a great collection of witty Christmas puns that is sure to put a smile on your face.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!
What is the difference between snowmen and snow-women? Snowballs.
Which of Santa’s reindeer needs to mind his manners the most? “Rude Olph”.
Why did they ask the turkey to join the band? He had the drum sticks.
What is the cow’s holiday greeting? Mooooory Christmas.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him
Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes
What do you call a chicken at the North Pole? Lost.
What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.
Why did Santa go to jail? He sleighed an elf.
I love when candy canes are in mint condition.
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
what do you call an elf that can sing? A wrapper.
What type of Christmas dessert shouldn’t you trust? Mince spies!
Santa was forced to attend a Christmas party because his presents was required.
The North Pole doesn’t import goods because it’s Elf Sufficient.
Christmas tree trend started because people thought it would spruce things up a bit.
Reindeer don’t go to public school, they’re elf taught.
Santa Claus’ favorite swimming spot is the North Pool.
What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a rest from delivering presents? Santa Pause!
The Turkey wasn’t hungry at Christmas because he was already stuffed.
What did Adam say the day before Christmas? – It’s Christmas, Eve!
What is a typical elf greeting? – “Small world, isn’t it?”
You better get spruced up if you’re going to sell Christmas trees.
Some children call him Santa Caus since there is Noel.
How do Santa and Mrs. Claus travel? – On an icicle built for two.
Christmas puns 2
What do Christmas trees and bad knitters have in common? – They both drop their needles.
If a reindeer lost its tail, where could he get a new one? – At a retail store.
What do you call a reindeer who wears ear muffs? – Anything you want. He can’t hear you, anyway.
What is green, covered with tinsel and says, “Rabbit, rabbit?” – A mistle-toad.
Who delivers Christmas presents to little sharks? – Santa Jaws.
What do monkeys sing at Christmas time? – Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.
Where does Santa Claus go swimming? – The North Pool.
What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations? – Tinselitis.
What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple? – A pineapple.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? – Claustrophobia!
What do you call a letter that is sent up the chimney on Christmas eve? – Blackmail.
What do reindeer use to decorate their Christmas trees? – Horn-aments.
Who makes toy guitars and sings, “Blue Christmas?” – Elfis.
What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a rest from delivering presents? – Santa Pause!
Where does Santa hide the presents he’s giving to Mrs. Claus? – In the clauset.
Why will Santa go down your chimney on Christmas Eve?- Because it soots him.
What does a reindeer say before telling a joke? – This one will sleigh you!
What do you call Santa when he goes to the beach? – Sandy Claus.
How long are an elf’s legs? – Long enough to reach the ground.
Do reindeer go to public school? – No, they’re elf taught.
What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
How do Spanish sheep say ‘Happy Christmas’?
The Three Wise Men sound very generous but you’ve got to remember those gifts were joint Christmas and birthday presents.
How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey?
On the dark side.
Mary and Joseph – now they had a stable relationship.
Christmas puns 3
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
I’ve got my girlfriend a wooden leg for Christmas. It’s not her main present – it’s just a stocking filler.
Mary: Why won’t you put the rubbish out?
Joseph: It’s Christmas – there’s no room in the bin.
What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time?
One day my prints will come.
We were so poor when I was a child that at Christmas we exchanged glances.
What do you call a naughty child who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
Why is Santa’s sack so full?
He only comes once a year.
What’s a skunk’s favourite Christmas song?
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, your body rejected the transplant and you died.
Which of all Santa’s elves is the rudest?
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
What’s a lion’s favourite carol?
How can you tell when Santa’s close by?
You can sense his presents.
What’s a sophisticated drinker’s favourite Christmas carol?
Gin-gle Bells (courtesy of York Gin)
More gin jokes here >
What’s the best Xmas present?
A broken drum – you just can’t beat it.
Christmas puns 4
I’ve bought my kids a pack of batteries for Christmas with a note saying: ‘Toys not included’.
The one thing a woman doesn’t want to find in her stockings on Xmas morning is her husband.
The worst thing about the office Christmas party is looking for a new job the next day.
Why did Santa’s little helpers choose the outside table at the restaurant?
They wanted to eat elfresco.
What do you call a lobster who won’t share any of his Xmas presents?
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
What’s the difference between snow men and snow women?
We couldn’t afford a turkey for Christmas so we gave the budgie chest expanders.
We’ve invited the mother-in-law round for Christmas for the last eight years.
This year, we might even let her in.
Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
He had low elf esteem.
Ant puts up Christmas decorations in the living room. Dec, the halls.
Marks & Spencer say it wouldn’t be Christmas without M&S.
They’re right – it’d be Chrita.
‘We had grandma for Christmas dinner.’
‘Oh really? We had turkey.’
Christmas is rubbish. Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross.
A Jehovah’s Witness gave me an advent calendar.
The first door I opened there were two of them standing behind it.
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
Be careful drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk one year, I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar. Or, as you like to call it, a delicatessen.
What’s the most popular Christmas carol in the desert?
O camel ye faithful.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
What nationality is Santa Claus?
What do you get if you cross Santa with a vampire?
What do you call an incomplete Christmas sentence?
A Santa clause.
What goes ‘Oh! Oh! Oh?’
Santa walking backwards.
What do you call an elf who sings?
Have a great time with Christmas puns and don’t forget to share the laughter and mental stimulation with others!