Funny cat sayings

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A list of the funny cat sayings. I advise learning these hilarious sayings well, you never know when you might need them! Here is a great collection of witty funny cat sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face.
Funny cat sayings

Funny cat sayings

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

Never feed your cat anything that doesn’t match the carpet.

Cat’s motto: “No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look as if the dog did it.”

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

You know when people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, “No, it’s for company!”

“Humans: No fur, no paws, no tail. They run away from mice. They never get enough sleep. How can you help but love such an absurd animal?” – Anonymous cat about humans

Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

Cats are like potato chips. You can never have just one.

These aren’t my thoughts, they’re my cat walking on the keyboard.

Everyone knows cats are on a higher level of existence. These silly humans are just too big-headed to admit their inferiority.

Cats are better than any vice. They’re not fattening, dangerous, or expensive. However, they can be addictive.

I have noticed that what cats most appreciate in a human being is not the ability to produce food which they take for granted, but his or her entertainment value.

Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives.

When a cat speaks, it’s because it has something to say, unlike humans who are the great refuse containers of speech.
V.L. Allineare

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot’s ribs and demanded: Take me to the canaries.
Bob Monkhouse

Cats always seem so very wise, when staring with their half-closed eyes. Can they be thinking, “I’ll be nice, anax-murdererwill feed me twice?
Bette Midler

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.
Paula Poundstone

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
Mary Bly

All cats love fish but fear to wet their paws.
Chinese Proverb

The trouble with sharing one’s bed with cats is that they’d rather sleep on you than beside you.
Pam Brown

Funny cat sayings 2

Cats are kindly masters, just so long as you remember your place
Paul Gray

Your cat will never threaten your popularity by barking at three in the morning. He won’t attack the mailman or eat the drapes, although he may climb the drapes to see how the room looks from the ceiling.
Helen Powers

The cat does not offer services. The cat offers itself. Of course he wants care and shelter. You don’t buy love for nothing. Like all pure creatures, cats are practical.
William S. Burroughs

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch.
Leo Dworken

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
Alfred North Whitehead

The cat seldom interferes with other people’s rights. His intelligence keeps him from doing many of the fool things that complicate life.
Carl V. Vechten

Cats’ hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other.
Stephen Baker

Even overweight, cats instinctively know the cardinal rule: when fat, arrange yourself in slim poses.
John Weitz

Any cat who misses a mouse pretends it was aiming for the dead leaf.
Charlotte Gray

A cat’s got her own opinion of human beings. She don’t say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it.
Jerome K. Jerome

Cats never strike a pose that isn’t photogenic.
Lillian Jackson Braun

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
Abraham Lincoln

After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.
Charlotte Gray

The cat is, above all things, a dramatist.
Margaret Benson

The reason cats climb is so that they can look down on almost every other animal…it’s also the reason they hate birds.
KC Buffington

Funny cat sayings 3

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.
Mark Twain

Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.
Terry Pratchett

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.
Terry Pratchett

There is something about the presence of a cat… that seems to take the bite out of being alone.
Louis J. Camuti

Cats only pretend to be domesticated if they think there’s a bowl of milk in it for them.
Robin Williams

An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five year old.
Carl Van Vechten

A cat determined not to be found can fold itself up like a pocket handkerchief if it wants to.
Louis J. Camuti

If cats could talk, they wouldn’t.
Nan Porter

Cats know how to obtain food without labor, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties.
W.L. George

Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience.
Pam Brown

A cat can be trusted to purr when she is pleased, which is more than can be said for human beings.
William Ralph Inge

I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through.
Jules Verne

A cat isn’t fussy – just so long as you remember he likes his milk in the shallow, rose-patterned saucer and his fish on the blue plate. From which he will take it, and eat it off the floor.
Arthur Bridges

Have a great time with funny cat sayings and don’t forget to share the laughter and mental stimulation with others!
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Funny cat sayings
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