Funny confucius sayings

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A list of the funny confucius sayings. I advise learning these hilarious sayings well, you never know when you might need them! Here is a great collection of witty funny confucius sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face.
Funny confucius sayings

Funny confucius sayings

Man who not poop for many days must take care of back log.

Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

War not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who sit on tack get point!

Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion!

Man stuck in pantry have ass in jam.

When called an idiot, better to be quiet than open mouth and remove all doubt.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.

Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.

Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.

Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.

Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.

Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in own hands.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

Virginity like bubble: one prick, all gone.

Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.

Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.

Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

Man who lay girl on hillside is not on the level.

Woman laid in tomb may become mummy.

Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.

He who kisses girl’s behind, gets crack in face.

Lady pads not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.

A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

Man who smoke pot choke on handle.

Woman who is wallflower at party, is dandelion in bed.

Honeymooning campers have one intent.

He who sells lady pads, is crack salesman.

He who plays with titty, gets bust in mouth.

Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.

All men eat, but Fu Manchu.

He who eat ice cream in car is Sundae driver.

Man who have circumcision lose a bit of foresight.

If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.

He who sits on hot stove will rise again.

He who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion.

See breast without nipples is pointless!

Time flies like arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.

He who stand on toilet, high on pot.

He who drop watch in whisky, wasting time.

Man kicked in testicles, left holding bag.

House without toilet, uncanny.

Learn how to masturbate… May come in handy!

If you turn oriental around, he become disoriented.

Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.

Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes!

It’s good to meet girl in park. But better to park meat in girl!

Man who eat photo of father, soon spitting image of father.

He who masturbate only screwing self.

Man who put cock on stove have hot rod.

Man is like spider: Bound to have sticky hand after being on web.

Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!

He who sit on tack get point!

He who sleeps in cat house by day, in doghouse by night.

She who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss.

He who has hole in pocket feels cocky all day.

Man with forked tongue not need chop sticks.

Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs.

Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!

He who sells feminine pads, is crack salesman.

He who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.

Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg not find nuts.

He who chase car will get exhausted.

Funny confucius sayings 2

He who bounce woman on bedspring this spring, have offspring next spring.

Feminine pads not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.

She who put detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy.

Find old man in dark, not hard!

He with no legs bums around.

Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.

He who stick head in oven get baked bean.

Boy fool with girl in wrong period get caught red handed.

Woman pilot who fly upside down have crack up.

Man who have circumcision, lose a bit of foresight.

Boy who diddle little girl do diddly squat.

He who fish in other mans well, often catches crabs.

He who put face in punch bowl, get punch in nose.

Before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter.

He who drives like hell, bound to get there!

It takes many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it.

He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.

He who tells one too many light bulb jokes, soon burn out!

Man with hands in pockets feels foolish, but man with holes in pockets feels nuts.

He who goes to bed with sex problem, wake up with solution in hand.

He who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion!

Girl should not marry basketball player: he dribbles before he shoots.

He who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train, likely to end up with splitting headache.

He who want pretty nurse, must be patient.

He who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.

He who sucks nipples, makes clean breast of things.

Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.

Grease monkey who go to bed without bathing wake up oily in the morning.

Thank you to Gary Oaksford for this contribution.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong – man with four balls cannot walk.

War doesn’t determine who is right, war determines who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs.

Don’t eat the snow where the huskies go!

Support bacteria — it’s the only culture some people have!

Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.

He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.

Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.

Man who sit on tack get point!

Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!

Man that is stuck in pantry has his ass in jam.

Man standing on toilet is high on pot.

Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk

Man who stick foot in mouth get athlete’s tongue!

Man who live in glass house should not throw parties!

Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers!

When called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.

Man with glass house must dress in basement!

Everyone has a photographic memory, some people just don’t have film!

Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

He who stands on toilet, is high on pot.

He who makes love in grass, gets piece on earth.

Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.

He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.

Elevator smell different to midget.

Work to become, not to acquire.

A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

Man who put head on Railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.

Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes will soon burn out!

Don’t drink and park, accidents cause people.

War does not determine who’s right, war determines who’s left.

Those who quote me are fools.

Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes.

Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing

Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!

Hole happy, whole body happy.

Confucius Jokes about Conjugal Confusions

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!

Wife not part of furniture, until screwed on bed.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

He who buries a man’s wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man’s dinner table without the subject coming up.

Man’s wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.

When wife complain too much about no magic in marriage, husband will disappear.

Man who was a dude before marriage, is now subdued.

Funny Confucius Sayings That Leave Nothing Left ‘Behind’

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers!

Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes.

He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.

Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.

Man that is stuck in pantry has his ass in jam.

Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!

Confucius Really Knows How to Crack Some Jokes

Man who sells Kotex, is crack salesman.

Man who put head on Railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.

Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.

Woman pilot who fly upside down have crack up.

Hilarious Confucius Sayings That Let Money Do the Talking

Man who comes into money, have sticky financial situation.

Man who work all day for a pool maintenance company, will feel drained.

He who masturbates in front of cash register come into money.

Banker who sits in freezer, will have frozen assets.

Man who finds job at crystal ball company will make a fortune.

Wet Funny Confucius Jokes

Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.

Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

Don’t sweat the petty stuff … and don’t pet the sweaty stuff.

Funny Confucius Quotes That Will Light up Your Day

Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes will soon burn out!

He who light the fuse of love, get big bang.

Rich old bachelor is man who have money to burn but no pilot light.

Cocky Confucius Jokes

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

He who plays with self, pulls boner.

Man with five dicks will have pants that fit like a glove.

Woman who is in love with priest will chase him through church and grab him by the organ.

Have a great time with funny confucius sayings and don’t forget to share the laughter and mental stimulation with others!
More: Funny Sayings

Funny confucius sayings
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