It’s funny riddles with answers time! Laugh yourself silly with funny dirty riddles. Hard, easy, long or short, all are hilarious!
Funny dirty riddles
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What’s a mixed feeling?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
What’s the height of conceit?
Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
What’s the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your vasectomy.
What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball
Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
They spray paint X’s on the back of the sheep that kick!
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it!
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.
hat is the difference between “ooooooh”and “aaaaaaah”?
What’s the difference between purple and pink?
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.
Funny dirty riddles 2
If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
What is the difference between medium and rare?
Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don’t have balls to scratch!
Is there anything a penis can do that a finger or tongue can’t do?
What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking she’s going to eat me.
What’s the difference between love and herpes?
Love doesn’t last forever.
Why do men pay more for car insurance?
Women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving.
What’s the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
What do bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.
What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?
Gladiator! (Glad he ate her)
What is the difference between “Oooh!” and “Aaah!”?
Why is it good for young boys to read Playboy and Penthouse?
It improves hand-eye coordination.
Who enjoys sex more, the man or the woman?
The woman, of course. Look at it this way. When your ear itches and you put
your little finger in it and wiggle it around, what feels better – your finger
or your ear?
How can you tell if your daughter had a good time on her date last night?
Throw her panties against the wall. If they stick, she had a good time.
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a “P” and women absolutely love to get their hands on it?
I am hard when you put me in your mouth and soft and wet when you take me out of your mouth. What am I?
Funny dirty riddles 3
I am long, you move me around with your lips and tongue, I get wet with saliva and I get sucked. What am I?
What is the difference between a woman’s g-spot and a quarter?
Men actually have a chance of finding a quarter when they search for it
People come to visit me but usually don’t stay for very long. I can be clean but am more often than not very dirty. People usually reveal to me a part of themselves that they rarely show others. What am I?
What 3 letter word starts with S and ends with X and has a vowel in the middle?
You slide your fingers across me first thing in the morning, you play with me before you go to bed, I live in your pants, I am always in the back of your mind and you can’t live without me. What am I?
A cell phone
All throughout the day I let anyone who wants to go down on me. I let them go in and out as much as they want. What am I?
What is something that is sometimes long and sometimes short, women love having them and commands a woman’s full attention?
What do an eggplant, a penis, a celery and a cucumber have in common?
They all have the letter E
What would you put in the Christmas stocking of a horny woman who was naughty all year?
A sexy coal miner
I have nuts and I can get sticky but you lick me off anyway. You can have me for breakfast, lunch or dinner. What am I?
I am a word that starts with an “F” and ends in “C-K” and when things get really hot, I am exactly what you want.
What do you call an unsinkable virgin?
A cherry float
What has a head, a shaft, is shaped like a stick and is long and hard?
In addition to the obvious, how is a virgin forest like a virgin woman?
They are both bushy
My load is sometimes soft, sometimes hard, is usually warm, and I am sometimes long and sometimes short. What am I? (If you’re looking for dirty riddles with dirty answers, here comes a very dirty answer!)
Where do horny women, prostitutes, and cougars hang out before they go to the gym?
Dick’s sporting goods
I can be dirty, I can be clean, I can be delicate, I can be rough. People sometimes shake me or smack me against my own kind. What am I?
I am sometimes long, sometimes short, sometimes hard, sometimes soft and not only that people love me and if you squeeze me just right then I’ll ooze out a little bit. What am I?
What is the difference between what’s inside a man’s pants and what’s inside a woman’s pants?
The tag and how sizes are measured
A horny virgin walked into the grocery store and went straight to the fruit section. What was she looking for?
A popped cherry
Funny dirty riddles 4
When people think of me, the word “hump” comes to mind. You can find me in a woman’s pants when they’re too tight. What am I?
What do you call a penis that claims he’s not a crook but turns out to be one?
I enjoy a soft blow, but other times I need a stronger blow in order get all that goop to come out? What am I?
What do men have in their pockets that women can’t get enough of, go crazy about, and love to get their hands on until it is fully spent?
A wallet full of cash
Kids look forward to Santa for Christmas because he delivers and gives gifts to many. What was Santa’s job back when he was a naughty young guy and before he became a gift-giving and wish-granting legendary figure?
He was a pole dancer
You’ll find me on a peak, I am sometimes small and sometimes big, sometimes pointy. What am I?
What country in Asia has the largest semen producing men and therefore has the greatest chances of having lots of children?
I am long and hard and most people will happily spend their wages on me. After having me most people feel a huge feeling of relief.
When you blow me I get bigger, and the tighter you wrap your lips around me the quicker I enlarge. What am I?
You play with me at night before going to sleep. You can’t get caught fiddling with me at work. You only let a select few people touch me. What am I?
What’s a four-letter word that ends in “k” and means the same as intercourse?
I start with a “v” and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I?
I come in a lot of different sizes. Sometimes, I drip a little. If you blow me, it feels really good. What am I?
What’s in a man’s pants that you won’t find in a girl’s dress?
You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?
What’s long and hard and has cum in it?
If I miss, I might hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news. What am I?
What four-letter word begins with “f” and ends with “k,” and if you can’t get it you can always just use your hands?
Funny dirty riddles 5
All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
I’m spread out before being eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What am I?
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s is really long. Michael J. Fox’s is short. Daffy Duck’s isn’t human. Madonna doesn’t have one. What am I?
A last name.
What is hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet on the inside? The word begins with “c,” ends in “t,” and there’s a “u” and an “n” between them.
I start with a “p” and ends with “o-r-n,” and I’m a major player in the film industry. What am I?
My business is briefs. I’m a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it regularly. What am I?
You get a lot of it if you’re powerful and successful, but significantly less when you’re just starting out. You sometimes do it with yourself, but it’s a lot better when you do it with another person. What am I talking about?
Name a word that starts with “f” and ends with “u-c-k”?
I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?
I go in hard but come out soft, and I never mind if you want to blow me. What am I?
What does a dog do that a man steps into?
I’m great for protection. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
What’s beautiful and natural, but gets prickly if it isn’t trimmed regularly?
All men have one, but it’s longer on some than others. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife once they’re married.
His last name.
I assist with erections. Sometimes, giant balls hang from me. I’m known as a big swinger. What am I?
Funny dirty riddles 6
You find me in a guy’s pants. I’m about six inches long, I have a head, and some women love to blow me. What am I?
A twenty dollar bill.
When I go in, I can cause some pain. I’ll fill your holes when you ask me to. I also ask that you spit, and not swallow. What am I?
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
I grow in a bed, first white then red, and the plumper I get, the better women like me. What am I?
I’m the highlight of many dates. I’m especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. What am I?
A bowling ball.
What’s made of rubber, handed out at some schools, and exists to prevent mistakes?
I’m at least six inches long. I love it wet and foamy when I get to do my job. What am I?
What’s messy and can be really annoying and/or tricky to clean up after sex?
Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn’t a maiden for long. Something really big and hard ripped me open. What am I?
It’s a fun thing to do and you devote a significant amount of energy to thinking about it, but you hate knowing that your parents are doing it. What is it?
What’s most useful when it’s long and hard?
What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
A lot of people like these to be as long as possible, but short ones can be effective, and it’s definitely possible for them to be too long. What are they?
Name a word that’s four letters long, ends in “u-n-t” and is used to refer to some women?
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand, plus a dozen donuts.
Who’s the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut!
How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
What does a woman have two of the a cow has four of?
Sometimes a finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
Your wedding band.
Have a great time with funny dirty riddles and don’t forget to share the laughter and mental stimulation with others!