Funny sayings about life

0
498

A list of the funny sayings about life. I advise learning these hilarious sayings well, you never know when you might need them! Here is a great collection of witty Funny sayings about life that is sure to put a smile on your face.
Funny sayings about life

Funny sayings about life

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
Anonymous

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
Anonymous

At night, I can’t fall asleep. In the morning, I can’t get up.
Anonymous

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.
Anonymous

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.
Anonymous

The alphabet begins with ABC, numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me.
Anonymous

Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.
Anonymous

I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor.
Anonymous

I really should do something with my life… maybe tomorrow.
Anonymous

Life is not about how you survive the storm, it’s about how you dance in the rain.
Anonymous

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.
Charles M. Schulz

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?
Ernest Hemingway

You should not confuse your career with your life.
Dave Barry

If logic tells you that life is a meaningless accident, don’t give up on life. Give up on logic.
Shira Millgrom

Go through life like a duck: Majestic on top, kicking like hell underneath.
Unknown

Life is full of doors and fools with the wrong keys.
Leonid Sukhorukov

Life is hard, after all, it kills you.
Kathrine Hepburn

Life is not like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
Unknown

If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
Yogi Berra

Eliminating procrastination from our lives is like trying to stop a moving train; it’s not easy.
Joseph R. Ferrari

Life is rather like a tin of sardines – we’re all of us looking for the key.
Alan Bennett

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.
Voltaire

Life is short. Eat dessert first.
Jacques Torres

Funny sayings about life 2

Funny sayings about life

Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
Carl Sandburg

Life is like a roll of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.
Rudyh

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.
Sam Levenson

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?
Charles Schulz

Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard

Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.
Charlotte Bronte

If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z – keeping your mouth shut.
Albert Einstein

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen

Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.
Billie Burke

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Jimmy Durante

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
Steven Wright

Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard

Life is like a roll of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.
Rudyh

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
Albert Einstein

Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
Brooke Shields

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Anthony Burgess

If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z keeping your mouth shut.
Albert Einstein

People will laugh at anything, except their own moronic self.
Fakeer Ishavardas

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake
Bob Hope

Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.
Criss Jami

You are only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Hannah Marks

Life is funny, when you are young you want to be older and those that are older wish to be younger.
Karon Waddell

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.
Sam Levenson

The fact that we’re all different is the one thing we all have in common.
Justin Young

You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!
Kay-Ann

Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
Kyle Chandler

Funny sayings about life 3

Funny sayings about life

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter
Mark Twain

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
Mark Twain

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

You may not always end up where you thought you were going, But you will always end up where you were meant to be.
Jessica taylor

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He`s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!
Billy Connolly

Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles M. Schulz

The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.
Joe Girard

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion
Fred Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Woody Allen

I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Charles M. Schulz

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.
Criss Jami

Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
Author unknown

When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
Author unknown

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Oscar Wilde

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Author unknown

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.
Christopher Isherwood

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Author unknown

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”
Author unknown

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright

Life is just a phase you’re going through…you’ll get over it.
Author unknown

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
Steven Wright

Born to be wild live to outgrow it.
Lao Tzu

For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.
Clifton Fadiman

After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say, “I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!”
William S. Burroughs

Funny sayings about life 4

Funny sayings about life

Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little.
Thomas Aloysius Dorgan

Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
Bob Monkhouse

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering and it’s all over much too soon.
Woody Allen

Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen

Life is just one damned thing after another.
Elbert Hubbard

Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
William Shakespeare

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about.
Sam Ewing

I think I’ve discovered the secret of life you just hang around until you get used to it.
Charles Schulz

~When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright

It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
Author unknown

Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
Author unknown

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
P. D. East

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain

I told my dad I stopped raising hell and he called me a quitter!
Author unknown

I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Sherrilyn Kenyon in “Dance with the Devil”

Smile, tomorrow will be worse.
Author unknown

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Author unknown

When I’m right, no one remembers, when I’m wrong, no one forgets.
Author unknown

We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public.
Bryan White

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
George Bernard Shaw

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Author unknown

Funny sayings about life 5

Funny sayings about life

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
John Wayne

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth.
George Bernard Shaw

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
Woody Allen

Life is a PhD program. May you graduate with humor!
Greg Tamblyn

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.
Charles M. Schulz

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
Quentin Crisp

Life is a journey but don’t worry, you’ll find a parking spot at the end.
Isaac Asimov

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?
Ernest Hemingway

You should not confuse your career with your life.
Dave Barry

If logic tells you that life is a meaningless accident, don’t give up on life. Give up on logic.
Shira Millgrom

Go through life like a duck: Majestic on top, kicking like hell underneath.
Unknown

Life is full of doors and fools with the wrong keys.
Leonid Sukhorukov

Life is hard, after all, it kills you.
Kathrine Hepburn

Life is not like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
Unknown

I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.
Jack Handey

If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
Yogi Berra

Eliminating procrastination from our lives is like trying to stop a moving train; it’s not easy.
Joseph R. Ferrari

Life is rather like a tin of sardines – we’re all of us looking for the key.
Alan Bennett

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.
Voltaire

Life is short. Eat dessert first.
Jacques Torres

Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
Carl Sandburg

Life is like a roll of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment.
Rudyh

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.
Sam Levenson

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?
Charles Schulz

Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard

Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.
Charlotte Bronte

If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z – keeping your mouth shut.
Albert Einstein

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen

Cute Quotes about Life

Funny sayings about life

Life is like a cup of coffee or tea. No matter how bitter it may be, it is always enjoyable.
Jason Wong

Life is funny. Things change, people change, but you will always be you, so stay true to yourself and never sacrifice who you are for anyone.
Zayn Malik

It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.
Laura Ingalls Wilder

Life is worth living as long as there’s a laugh in it.
L.M. Montgomery

In life, I have met many friends and people whom I have loved dearly. All this has been possible because of a life full of joy happiness and peace. Humor is another factor which helped me on my way in life.
Bob Lyres

You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.
Henry Louis Mencken

The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
Ritu Ghatourey

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Oscar Wilde

There’s no fun in perfect life. So make a risk. Take a chance. Go where the wind takes you. Have Fun.
Jenny C

When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.
Anmol Andore

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too

Rodney Dangerfield

Life is like a cup of coffee or tea. No matter how bitter it may be, it is always enjoyable.
Jason Wong

Life is funny. Things change, people change, but you will always be you, so stay true to yourself and never sacrifice who you are for anyone.
Zayn Malik

It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.
Laura Ingalls Wilder

Life is worth living as long as there’s a laugh in it.
L.M. Montgomery

In life, I have met many friends and people whom I have loved dearly. All this has been possible because of a life full of joy happiness and peace. Humor is another factor which helped me on my way in life.
Bob Lyres

You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.
Henry Louis Mencken

The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
Ritu Ghatourey

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Oscar Wilde

There’s no fun in perfect life. So make a risk. Take a chance. Go where the wind takes you. Have Fun.
Jenny C

When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.
Anmol Andore

Have a great time with funny sayings about life and don’t forget to share it with others!
More: Funny Sayings

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.