Funny sayings about work

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A list of the funny sayings about work. I advise learning these hilarious sayings well, you never know when you might need them! Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings about work that is sure to put a smile on your face.
Funny sayings about work

Funny sayings about work

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Erma Bombeck

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.
Groucho Marx

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Edgar Bergen

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
Drew Carey

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Jerome K. Jerome

It’s a recession wen your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression wen you lose yours.
Harry S. Truman

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: Whose?
Don Marquis

Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.
Leslie Nielsen

What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.
Vilhjalmur Stefansson

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
Oscar Wilde

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Steven Wright

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
Charles Lamb

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.
Fats Domino

My son is now an “entrepreneur.” That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.
Ted Turner

When we’re unemployed, we’re called lazy; when the whites are unemployed it’s called a depression.
Jesse Jackson

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
Les Dawson

Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get.
Ray Kroc

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen

I do my job in a very professional manner. I take money for it every chance I get.
Melanie White

In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn’t know what he is doing.
William Wordsworth

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
Sarah Brown

Funny sayings about work 2

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns

The first thing a new employee should do on the job is learn to recognize his boss’ voice on the phone.
Martin Buxbaum

If you don’t know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues initials on them and pass them along. When in doubt, route.
Malcolm S. Forbes

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment.
Robert Benchley

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
Lane Kirkland

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.
Groucho Marx

Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
Huey P. Long

A consultant is a man who knows 157 ways to make love, but doesn’t know any women.
Anonymous

Reheating leftover fish in the office microwave should be a fireable offense.
Anonymous

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment.
Robert Benchley

Guys with neck tattoos love asking “Are ya’ll hirin?”
Rock ‏@TheMichaelRock

I do my job in a very professional manner. I take money for it every chance I get.
Melanie White

The Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.
James Thurber

It’s true that hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
Ronald Reagan

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
Charles Lamb

Personally, I have nothing against work, particularly when performed, quietly and unobtrusively, by someone else.
Barbara Ehrenreich

Being a couch potato is not the same as being a failure. Being a failure implies that you were actually trying to do something.
Anonymous

Wheaties: the breakfast of champions and the dinner of the unemployed.
Ruminations.com

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Jerome K. Jerome

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
Oscar Wilde

Funny sayings about work 3

No one’s dream job involves a kiosk.
Damien Fahey

Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should always save some of it for tomorrow.
Don Herold

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
Bertrand Russell

On applications, where it asks if you’ve ever committed a felony, I like to write in, “Is lying on an application a felony?”
Guy Endore-Kaiser

Labor Day is a holiday honoring those who work for a living. Laborious Day is a lesser known holiday honoring those who cannot stop talking about their work.
Lemony Snicket

When a man tells you he got rich through hard work, ask him whose?
Don Marquis

Serious talk around the office of replacing me with a deli tray.
Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
Helen Rowland

I truly believe the wireless mouse was invented so people at work had one less thing to hang themselves with.
Mike Vanatta

You should never protest outside a rich guy’s home during the day because he’s not there. He’s at work grinding the faces of the poor.
Craig Ferguson

A guy gave me a job at an information booth no questions asked.
Jay London

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
Lily Tomlin

I do not like work even when someone else does it.
Mark Twain

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I’m being held.
Randy Glasbergen

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Ogden Nash

If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
Scott Adams (Dilbert)

A well-educated friend of mine with three advanced degrees can say “I’m unemployed” in six languages.
Unknown Author

I am in a relationship with working and it’s complicated.

You have to admit that Mondays aren’t that bad, it’s probably your job that sucks.

In every company there is an askhole – a person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite.

Now you understand why Peter Pan didn’t want to grow up.

If you came to work late, you should at least try to leave it earlier.

I need a six month vacation, twice a year.

People who have their shifts on weekends hate when you talk how much happy you that it’s Friday.

Sometimes I write down my tasks that I have already done just to get the satisfactions of crossing them off.

I need a vacation, not a stupid weekend.

Work until you bank account looks like a phone number.

Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better.

Don’t say that you’re working; better show what you have earned.

Most of the people dream of not working and having lots of money. During an economic crisis 50 % of those dreams came true.

Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

Work is for those who don’t know what fishing is!

You don’t work – you don’t have money to live, you work – there’s no time to live.

Only with work everything is vice versa…

When there are no volunteers, they get appointed.

Have a great time with funny sayings about work and don’t forget to share the laughter and mental stimulation with others!
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Funny sayings about work
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