Hilarious Short Blonde Jokes to make you feel smart! Our top collection of funny blonde jokes, including everything from dumb blonde examples to plain silliness!
Ear doctor to a blonde: “Could you please put a hand over your other ear? The sun is quite blinding.”
One blonde to the other: “Shall I tell my parents that I am adopted?”
Why did God create blondes?
So there’d be somebody to fetch beer.
Why did God create brunettes?
Because the blondes were failing at it miserably.
How do you confuse a blonde?
That is impossible. They’re already born that way.
A blonde girl says to her friend, “I think Bill is cheating on me. I’m no longer even sure the kids are mine.”
Why was the blonde running in circles around her bed?
She was trying to catch up on her sleep.
A blonde girl comes to the emergency room with burns on both ears and says, “Doctor, I was totally lost in thoughts and my phone rang and I picked up a hot iron instead.”
The doctor wonders, “And what happened to the other ear?”
The blonde girl replies, “Well I had to call my boyfriend to take me to the hospital!”
A guy is telling a brunette some blonde jokes. Finally she interrupts him and says, “It’s really funny and everything, but I’m actually a blonde, I’ve been dyeing my hair for years.”
“Oh”, hesitates the man, “um, should I start over and talk very, very slowly?”
One shark says to the other: “I ate a diver last week. I’m still sick from all the plastic.”
The other shark waves a fin: “That’s nothing. I ate a blonde last week. She was such an airhead I still can’t dive.”
A blonde goes to court. Eventually the judge says: “I hereby declare the case closed. There is not enough evidence that you stole the 10000 US$.”
The blonde is thrilled: “Gosh, so does that mean I can keep the money?”
Why do women have blue spots around their navels sometimes?
Because there are also blonde men.
Q: What is long and hard to a blonde?
A: Grade five.
Blonde: What does IDK stand for?
Brunette: I don’t know
Blonde: Why doesn’t anyone know!
Why can’t a blonde dial 911? She can’t find the eleven.
How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.
What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? “Omg, donut seeds!”
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, ‘It’s dark in here isn’t it?’ The other replied, ‘I don’t know; I can’t see.’
What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A thought.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ‘concentrate’.
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.
Why were there bullet holes in the mirror? A blonde tried killing herself.
How did the blonde die while raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
How do you drown a blonde in a submarine? Knock on the door.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, ‘Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?’ She replied, ‘The can said for best results apply 2 coats.’
How can you make a blonde go on the roof? Tell her that drinks are on the house.
Three blondes walk into a building. You’d think one of them would’ve seen it.
Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why can’t blondes make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.
One yells to the other, ‘How do you get to the other side?’
The other blonde replies, ‘You are on the other side!’
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Blonde Jokes 2
How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ears.
How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.
Why did the blonde put water on her computer? To wash the Windows.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, It got cold so I turned off the fan.
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.
How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair? When she trips over the cordless phone.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it’s mine.
A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, “Where did you get her?” The pig answers, “I won her at the fair.”
Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, “Look, it’s deer tracks.” The second one said, “No, it’s wolf tracks” and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.
What’s a blondes idea of safe sex? Lock the car doors.
What do you call a really smart blonde? A golden retriever.
What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common? You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? “Oh look! Donut seeds!”
How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow fell on her.
What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
I got a compliment on my driving today said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why would it take too long to build a blonde snowman?
You would spend too much time hollowing out the head.
Do you need to keep a blonde girl busy for days? Give her a paper with “please turn over” written on both sides.
One blonde asks another: “How come the meteorites always manage to land in craters?”
Two blondes are talking, “Did you know that Christmas will be on Friday this year?”
“Oh hell, not Friday the 13th I hope!”
A blonde comes to her office in a terrible state, crying…
The boss is concerned and asks what happened.
“My dad just died!” sobs the blonde.
“That is terrible, Sandy, you know, you should go home and take the time for yourself.”
The blonde agrees and goes home.
The next day she’s kind of fine – until mid-day when she’s all in tears again.
“What’s wrong?” asks the boss.
“This is unbelievable,” wails the blonde, “I’ve just spoken to my brother – and his dad just died too!”
What does a fox do when he steps into a trap?
He bites off one leg and is free.
What does a blonde fox do when he steps into a trap?
He bites off 3 legs and is still trapped.
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Just put her in front of a mirror and have her play “Stone, paper, scissors.”
A blonde hits another car. The other driver goes berserk and yells, “Did you even do a driving test you stupid cow?”
The blonde replies with dignity, “Yes, and probably a lot more times than you did!”
Q: Why don’t blondes double the amounts in recipes when cooking for more people?
A: The oven usually doesn’t go to 700 degrees.
Blonde Jokes 3
A blonde girl calls her boyfriend at work, “Darling, I’m doing this jigsaw puzzle but I just can’t figure it out. All the pieces look the same.”
“And do you have the picture of what it’s supposed to look like in the end?”
“Yes, there is a red rooster on the box. But it just doesn’t seem to work out.”
“Well don’t worry about it, we’ll look at it in the evening together.”
When he comes home in the evening, the blonde shows him the puzzle. After a long silence, he says, “Alright, now we’ll just put those cornflakes back and not mention it again.”
A blonde girl borrows a DVD from her friend. A week later she brings it back all scratched.
The friend gets mad and wants to know what the heck happened! “Well, nothing, really,” replies the blonde girl, “I just underlined all my favorite bits!”
What did the blonde get on his IQ test?
Why don’t blondes get sick very often?
Viruses and bacteria also have their pride!
A blonde: Now I know why I’m so fat. My shampoo bottle says “Adds fullness and volume”!
Q: A blonde flies with you to London on a plane; how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her that the seats going to London are all in the middle row.
Do blondes suffer from headaches? No. Why not?
No brain, no pain!
Why are blonde girls’ watches so often wet from licking?
Because the blondes know their facts: a Tic Tac has only 1½ calories!
Why don’t blondes enjoy eating pretzels? – The knots are just too hard to undo.
Why don’t blondes waterski? They haven’t found a lake with a slope yet.
A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and exclaims: “Doctor, please help me. Whenever I touch my leg, ow! It really hurts… When I touch my elbow, oh Lord! It hurts… When I touch my head, goodness gracious it hurts! When I touch my elbow it hurts like hell!”
The Doctor looks her over and calmly replies: “Miss, it appears your finger is broken.”
Why did the grim blonde girl’s mirror have bullet holes in it?
She tried to shoot herself.
There is a blonde, a brunette and a redhead in Grade 5. Which of the girls has the largest breasts?
The blonde one, she’s already 18.
A blonde girl has a mirror in her closet.
One night she wakes up to pee and on her way wants to take something from the closet, opens the door and sees herself. She slams the door shut and quickly calls the cops, saying she’s got a burglar in the house who’s hiding in her closet.
The cops arrive quickly, get to the closet and open the door. They stare at it for a while and then one turns on the blonde all angry, saying, “Do you know the punishment for abusing emergency response? Why did you call us when our colleagues are already here?!”
One blonde says to the other: “I did a pregnancy test.”
The other nods appreciatively and asks, “And, were the questions really hard?”.
One blonde says to another: “I don’t know, this business with the pyramids being over 4000 years old. I mean, we’ve only got 2016, haven’t we?”
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Ask her to count the stairs on an escalator.
A slightly tipsy blind guy in a bar shouts to the bartender, “Hey, bartender, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
A man next to him whispers to him, “Before you say your joke, there’s something you should know. Our bartender is blonde, as is the bouncer. I’m a 6′ 3”, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, 225 lb, a rugby player. The chap to your right is 6’5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Every one of us is blonde. Think about it. Do you really want to tell your joke?”
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
Q: What do you call a blonde girl with two brain cells?
How do you keep a blonde chick busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde chick busy? (see above)
Why did the blonde girl shut herself in the fridge?
She wanted to know if the light really goes off.
Why is it wrong to say “a dumb blonde”?
Because you don’t say “a dead corpse” either, do you?
A cashier in the cinema asks a blonde customer, „Tell me, you’ve already been here three times in the past 10 minutes, why do you want yet another ticket?”
The blonde replies, “Well I only wanted to get one, but the guy up front always tears it up!”
Blonde Jokes 4
A blonde raises a conspiracy question, “If Titanic was sunk because it hit an iceberg, how come there were no pieces of the iceberg found?”
What do you call a blonde who lost 95% of her intelligence?
Why do blondes sometimes invite as many as 17 friends for a movie night?
Because the DVD says “Only for 18+ viewers”!
A blonde to her doctor: “I swallowed an ice cube a few days ago but it hasn’t come out yet.”
A blonde decides to go ice fishing. She makes a hole in the ice and starts fishing. Suddenly a voice from above says: “There are no fish here.” Startled, the blonde looks around but doesn’t see anybody. She shrugs and continues. After a while the voice comes again: “There are no fish here.” The blonde looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?“ The voice replies, „No, this is the ice-skating rink’s maintenance manager. Seriously, there are no fish here.”
Q. Why do blonde women often get confused in the loo?
A. They’re not used to pulling their own pants down.
A blonde girl asks, “Excuse me, where is the other side of the street?”
The blonde frowns, “Funny, they sent me here from over there…”
Q: What should you do if a blonde tosses a grenade at you?
A: Pull out the pin and throw it back.
Two blondes and a brunette are standing in front of a river when a fairy comes and says, “I will grant each of you one wish.” The first blonde says, “I wish for water wings so I could get across the river.” The fairy grants her this wish and the blonde swims across.
The second blonde says, “I wish for a swimming ring so I could get across the river.” The fairy grants her this wish and the second blonde swims across.
The brunette then says, “I wish for a million dollars,” and walks across the bridge.
Why did the blonde open her umbrella under the shower?
She didn’t have a clean towel and so she didn’t want to get wet.
Why do blondes smile during a lightning storm?
They want to look good in the photograph.
How do you break a blonde’s nose?
Put 50 US$ in the lower shelf of a glass-top table and say: “Here, it’s for you!”
What does one blonde’s leg say to the other when they meet?
“Oh hey, that’s nice, I’ve not seen you in ages!”
Q: How to drown a blond girl?
A: By placing a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
Q: How can you tell a blonde has been making choc chip cookies?
A: There are Smarties shells all over the kitchen floor.
A boss says to a blonde waitress, “Could you please fill up the salt dispenser?”
An hour later she’s still at it, so he asks, “What happened, why is it taking so long?”
She whips back, “Do you know how hard it is to get the salt through the little holes?!”
Why aren’t there any blonde lift girls? – They had big problems with the route directions.
Why do blondes only shoplift in Walmart?
Because there are always lower prices.
Q: How many blondes do you need to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One holds the Diet Pepsi, and the other one calls, “Daaady!”
Q: What do you get when you give a blonde girl a penny for her thoughts?
Why is it more convenient to park with a blonde in the car?
You can park in a disabled place.
What do you call a blonde who dyed her hair black?
“How come your blond girlfriend never smiles?”
“Because I told her once that I want a serious relationship and not just fooling around.”
Q: Why did the blonde buy an elephant instead of a new car?
A: She heard the elephant has a bigger trunk.
Blonde Jokes 5
Q: What do you call a blonde girl standing between two guys?
A: A mental block.
“I got a nice compliment on my driving today”, a blonde brags to her friend. “There was a note left on my windshield and it said “parking fine”.
Why is it difficult for blonde girls to write the number 11?
They never know which of the 1s comes first.
Why is it a bad idea to let a blonde girl skydive when she’s on her period?
She always pulls the wrong string.
Q: What do you call a blonde who has half a brain?
Q: What would you call a clever blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
Little Johnny asks his blonde mum: “Do you believe there is life on the moon?”
“Of course, look, they have the lights on.”
A blonde in a miniskirt tells her friend, “A guy made me an offer today. He said he’ll give me $30 if I make a handstand. So I did, of course.”
Her friend replies, “Come on, he just wanted to see your panties.”
The blonde girl replies, “Hey I’m not that stupid. I took them off before!”
Q: What was a blonde’s first reaction to a box of Cheerios?
A: “Ooh look! Doughnut seeds!”
What is the leading cause of death in blonde brain cells? – Loneliness.
Why did the blonde only have 3 kids?
Because she read that every 4th child born is Chinese.
What do you call a blonde without breasts?
Leonardo di Caprio.
Q: What do you call it when one blonde blows in another blonde’s ear?
A: Data transfer.
My boyfriend always clears the browser history so we’d have more saving space on our computer. He’s really very thoughtful.
Cindy, 23, blonde.
How do you get a one-armed blonde down from a tree?
Husband says to his blonde wife, “I thought we were going to have rice with the meat?”
Blonde wife replies, “That’s right, but the cooking instructions for the rice said I needed 8 cups of water and there are only 6 cups in the cupboard.”
Why does the blonde leave the bathroom door open?
Because somebody could be peeping at her through the keyhole.
A blonde ordered a pizza. The pizza guy asked if she wants it cut into six or twelve pieces.
“Six, please. I would never be able to eat twelve pieces.”
Q: What should you do when a blonde tosses a pin at you?
A: Run! She has a hand grenade in her mouth.
One day two blondes and a brunette got stuck in an elevator.
One blonde starts to yell, “Help!!!”
Then the other one, “Help!!!”
The brunette suggests, “Come on girls, let’s scream together, it will be louder.”
“OK,” agree the blondes, “Together!!! Together!!!”
Q: How many blonde jokes altogether are there? A: Just three. All the rest are true stories.
A blonde meets up with an old friend of hers, a brunette. Their talk goes in the direction of lovers and the brunette says: “So I slept with a Brazilian…”
The blonde gasps in surprise and asks excitedly, “Wow, so how many is a brazillion?”
On a TV quiz, the show host asks a blonde participant:
“And here goes a question from the area of science. The question is: If you were in a vacuum and somebody called your name, would you hear it?”
The blonde tilts her head and asks: “And the vacuum would be on or off?”
We hope you enjoy our collection of Hilarious Short Blonde Jokes. Please share your favorite Hilarious Short Blonde Jokes in the comments section.