Short funny Christmas sayings and quotes


The Christmas season is a special time to connect with others and share a time of spirit and love. To spread some holiday cheer and express your sentiments for this special season, here is a look at some amazing short funny Christmas sayings and quotes.
Short funny Christmas sayings and quotes

Short funny Christmas sayings and quotes

Thanks for agreeing not to buy each other anything for Christmas and then making me feel guilty by buying something anyway.

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.”.

“Two thousand years ago, the Holy family had a ramble from Nazareth to Bethlehem –. In much the same way as I’m having a ramble from Norwich to Swaffham. Although I’m not comparing myself to Jesus –. I don’t want to get bogged down in that whole controversy again.”

“People can’t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.”

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew’s Birthday.

We have cancelled this year Christmas, cause Santa died laughing, when I told him you was good this year.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.

Dear Santa, I was good all year, well most of the year… right, sometimes… at least few times… OK, I’ll buy it myself.

They all hang together but half of them don‘t work and the other half aren’t so bright.

My dear lovely fatso. Love you for your chubbiness and the dwindling tires in your tummy. This Christmas, I would pray to Jesus that he send the “gift of slim figure” for you to make you smarter. Merry Christmas.

Your height is a sight to remember, which reminds me of love coming in tiny packets. I wish that Santa Claus gets a height increasing medicine as gift for you. Jokingly yours always. Merry Christmas to you.

You are the most beautiful friend I ever had, who protected me from evil like a touch of Kajal. It is a part of the funny Christmas quotes for cards that has been unleashed for you. Merry Christmas to my dear buddy

You are my best buddy, who pulled my leg always and enjoyed on my frightful moments. Merry Christmas to my sweetheart, who has been the red chilly in my life.

Christmas gift distribution by Santa Claus will be on a halt this year because you told him to be nicer to me than before. And he is in a bit of shock. Merry Christmas to my arrogant buddy.

Old friends are like old wine, which gets better with time. And of course, the taste of friendship remains intact. This Christmas, I remind you that you owe me a treat like every year. Merry Christmas 2017.

Nothing in this world is as smart as you because of your witty nature and intense humor. You make my day every time with naughty remarks. Merry Christmas to the clown in my life.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly. ~Andy Rooney

Can I get a Picture of You so that I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

Would you like some Christmas thanks or perhaps a bunch of Christmas pranks?

Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day – the birth of Santa? ~Bart Simpson

Why were there only three kings at Jesus’ birth? Elvis had not yet entered the building.

Giving me a Christmas ornament as a Christmas gift is like bringing vitamins to my funeral.

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From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas. ~Melanie White

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ~Johnny Carson

Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. ~Kin Hubbard

This Christmas let’s try to keep things in their proper perspective. After all, credit cards do have their limits.

This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying: ‘Toys not included’. ~Bernard Manning

If you mistakenly wrap a Christmas present in paper that says “Happy Birthday”… You can always write “to Jesus” on it.

You can feel a real let-down after Christmas. Especially when all you have to look forward to is your New Year’s resolutions. ~Melanie White

May your longest list this Christmas be the one that counts your blessings.

Only an accountant understands the real meaning of Christmas.

Me putting up with you is your Christmas present. Happy Christmas

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. ~Andy Borowitz

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.

I bought the Christmas Oreos… So don’t tell me I don’t have holiday spirit.

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help. ~Andy Borowitz

The real magic of Christmas is that the money from wallet vanishes instantly.

You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger. ~Robert Paul

There has been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries. ~W.J. Cameron

Zen Christmas: the gift of nothingness.

I wanna be Spider man for Christmas.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.

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This Christmas don’t WhatsApp me, send me a gift.

Merry Christmas, nearly everybody! ~Ogden Nash

During Christmas you buy gifts with the next year’s money.

At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional. ~Robert Godden

I’ve seen you Facebook status updates, You’ll get a dictionary for Christmas.

My Christmases have always just been very simple and about family. ~Julie Roberts

We have a tradition with our friends – we go out on 25th of December and we don’t go out the next day.

If you’re going to be celebrating Christmas with this family, then you need to put your hilarity hat on right now!

I’m hoping for a magical Christmas this year. I’m hoping all my relatives will magically disappear. ~Melanie White

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. ~Bernard Manning

Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp. ~Melanie White

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven. ~W. C. Fields

What do you call a Christmas card from your crazy ex? Sent-a-mental.

Know why this Christmas card is awesome? It’s not an email. It’s not a text.

Money’s scarce Times are hard Here’s your fucking Xmas card ~Phyllis Diller

Know what the best thing about this card is? It’s not a fruitcake! Merry Christmas!

Nothing is more sad than a gift card that says “Cannot be used for the purchase of alcohol.

I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU, But I really would love a new credit card as well!

You don’t need Visa when you’ve got Santa! You don’t need Santa when you’ve got Visa! Who needs Santa when you’ve got Grandma!

Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp. ~Melanie White

Have a great time with Short funny Christmas sayings and quotes and don’t forget to share it with others!
More: Funny Sayings

Short funny Christmas sayings and quotes
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