Terrible dad jokes

1
412

A list of the terrible dad jokes. I advise learning these hilarious sayings well, you never know when you might need them! Here is a great collection of witty terrible dad jokes that is sure to put a smile on your face.
Terrible dad jokes

Terrible dad jokes

Why do bananas need sunscreen? Because they peel.

What do you call a cow that just had a baby? DeCALFeinated or A New Moother

What kind of fish is made of only 2 sodium atoms? 2 Na

RIP boiled water. You will be mist.

I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

If you want a job in the moisturizer industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.

I hate perforated lines, they’re tearable.

When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.

What do you call a can of soup that eats other cans of soup? A CANnibal.

So I came home from work yesterday to find that someone broke into my apartment. Looking around, it seemed like they didn’t really take a whole lot. My TV was still there, my PS4, and my legos were fine. But the apartment was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps…I was delighted.

Terrible dad jokes 2

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

The rotation of earth really makes my day.

Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I’m still working on it.

You heard the rumor going around about butter? Nevermind, I shouldn’t spread it.

What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 Cent ft. Nickelback

Son: Where are my sunglasses? Dad: I don’t know…where are my dad glasses?

What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe? Kilometry Cyprus.

What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1

I have kleptomania. Sometimes when it gets really bad, I take something for it.

You shouldn’t kiss anyone on January 1st because it’s only the first date.

Terrible dad jokes 3

If a child refuses to take a nap, is he resisting a rest?

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Want to hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it’s too cheesy.

What does a house wear? A dress.

A furniture store keeps calling me. But all I wanted was one night stand.

Want to hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism.

Why does Peter pan always fly? Because he neverlands!

My wife is on a tropical food diet, the house is full of the stuff. It’s enough to make a mango crazy.

My wife told me I was average, I think she’s mean.

Had seafood last night, now I’m eel.

I gave all my dead batteries away today… Free of charge.

Terrible dad jokes 4

Just quit my job at Starbucks because day after day it was the same old grind.

Went to the corner shop today… Bought four corners.

How do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

I’m thinking about getting a new haircut… I’m going to mullet over.

I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate clauses.

What time is it? I don’t know. It keeps changing.

I used to have a job at the calendar factory, but they fired me because I took a couple of days off.

Have a great time with terrible dad jokes and don’t forget to share the laughter and mental stimulation with others!

1 COMMENT

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.